A Reason to Commit Suicide: Shirtless Runners

So today is Saturday and when I have the time on Saturdays I like to take my lousy MP3 player and drive over to Valley Green and walk around and listen to my dumb songs. The combination of said dumb songs and the creek and the trees usually makes for a pleasant experience. Today was different, though. As soon as I hit the trail, I was passed by a paper-thin fella with a beard and no shirt. Then, a whole pack of them. Then, an even bigger pack. It was like The Birds or something. The onslaught subsided temporarily, but soon enough waves of these pasty wafers were all I could see. Now I've always been bothered by these dudes, (chalk it up to me getting laughed at during a 7th grade shirts and skins game for having stubby man boobs) but today they REALLY bothered me. Why do they have to run with their shirts off when it's 65 degrees outside? Is there some sort of dick measuring contest where one guy has to show the world that he's indeed the skinniest runner of them all? And do they realize how gay this looks? I'm assuming that most of these topless fiends are straight, and don't even realize how homoerotic this is. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Even if they are gay, though, they should still put a shirt on. And I'm not going to limit this to guys. Ladies, you should put your clothes on too. Even if you're a 10 you should still leave something to the imagination, girl. But guys especially should cover up. No one, and put me at the top of this list, needs to see your little nipples or little back muscles.