It goes without saying that I've consumed a large quantity of sweets over the past few days. A connoisseur of everything unhealthy, I've decided to rate the various types of candy I've eaten with the hope of finding out which is actually the best. Here goes:
1. Milk Duds: "Dud" is the key word here. Chocolate covered caramels that can potentially yank out your fillings? C'mon, you can do better. GRADE: C-
2. Kit-Kat: I've always been a fan of the Kit-Kat bar. Milk chocolate and wafers make for a delightfully crispy experience, and I don't feel entirely like a fat slob after enjoying one. GRADE: A-
3. Whoppers: Vastly underrated. The only downside to eating a pack of Whoppers is that they make one incredibly thirsty, more so than the average chocolatey confection. Make sure you have about a gallon of milk on hand before cracking open a pack. GRADE: B
4. Mounds/Almond Joy: Awww yeah. If it's got coconut, sign me up. Mounds has dark chocolate, but Almond Joy prevails because, well, it has a big fat almond inside, a bonus that's easily comparable to finding a handful of diamonds inside of a pot of gold. GRADE: Mounds: A-/Almond Joy: A
5. Snickers: The candy bar that eats like a meal. Delicious, but seriously, it's just a little too much. GRADE: B+
6. Heath: Criminally underrated, it's like Butterfinger's tastier, more sophisticated older brother. GRADE: A-
7. Charleston Chew: Fantastic stuff, especially when the grocery store is selling the footlongs for a buck. The milk chocolate and vanilla nougat unite for a simply delicious experience. GRADE: B+
8. 3 Musketeers: Similar to the Kit-Kat in that I don't feel entirely like a fat slob after eating one. Also, it's fun to pretend to be French when you're eating one and be all like: "Ah oui, c'est un bar de Trois Mousquetaires." GRADE: A-
9. SweeTarts: This has to be the most superfluous candy in existence. Really, is there anyone out there who is a SweeTarts enthusiast? Like "Yeah, WOOOOO SWEETARTS!!!!" Nah. GRADE: D
10. Peanut Butter M&Ms: GRADE: A++++++++++++++++++++++
1. Milk Duds: "Dud" is the key word here. Chocolate covered caramels that can potentially yank out your fillings? C'mon, you can do better. GRADE: C-
2. Kit-Kat: I've always been a fan of the Kit-Kat bar. Milk chocolate and wafers make for a delightfully crispy experience, and I don't feel entirely like a fat slob after enjoying one. GRADE: A-
3. Whoppers: Vastly underrated. The only downside to eating a pack of Whoppers is that they make one incredibly thirsty, more so than the average chocolatey confection. Make sure you have about a gallon of milk on hand before cracking open a pack. GRADE: B
4. Mounds/Almond Joy: Awww yeah. If it's got coconut, sign me up. Mounds has dark chocolate, but Almond Joy prevails because, well, it has a big fat almond inside, a bonus that's easily comparable to finding a handful of diamonds inside of a pot of gold. GRADE: Mounds: A-/Almond Joy: A
5. Snickers: The candy bar that eats like a meal. Delicious, but seriously, it's just a little too much. GRADE: B+
6. Heath: Criminally underrated, it's like Butterfinger's tastier, more sophisticated older brother. GRADE: A-
7. Charleston Chew: Fantastic stuff, especially when the grocery store is selling the footlongs for a buck. The milk chocolate and vanilla nougat unite for a simply delicious experience. GRADE: B+
8. 3 Musketeers: Similar to the Kit-Kat in that I don't feel entirely like a fat slob after eating one. Also, it's fun to pretend to be French when you're eating one and be all like: "Ah oui, c'est un bar de Trois Mousquetaires." GRADE: A-
9. SweeTarts: This has to be the most superfluous candy in existence. Really, is there anyone out there who is a SweeTarts enthusiast? Like "Yeah, WOOOOO SWEETARTS!!!!" Nah. GRADE: D
10. Peanut Butter M&Ms: GRADE: A++++++++++++++++++++++
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