9.07.2010
"Nowhere Near"
I was digging through my CDs over the weekend and came across my copy of Yo La Tengo's Painful. Hadn't listened to it in four years. Can't believe I forgot about "Nowhere Near." It's such a gorgeous track, and hearing it out of nowhere (joke intended) was a wonderful experience. I was just listenin' to the album and this song came on and I was like "How did I go four years without hearing this?" The delicate, noisy (pretty sure that's an oxymoron, but you'll understand if you hear the song) guitar near the end is just sublime. And the lyrics: "Everyone is here/but you're nowhere near." Unfulfilled love never sounded so simple or heavenly.
9.02.2010
Remember This Song?
Seems like this track is lighting up the last.fm charts right now. Wonder why. Oh, just figured it out-Pitchfork included it on their best songs of the 90s list. I am currently overflowing with joy because Pfork approves of something I loved when I was thirteen. I feel like my love for this song was pure and not based on what some popular indie media source told me to listen to. I also feel like I was "unknowingly cool." It's not just me though, EVERYONE liked this song. I guess this means that everyone is cool. Either that, or during their heyday Len were the great musical uniters. Anyways, the video-love that slowmo. Pretty sure it influenced Wes Anderson's directorial work. Don't really understand the lyrics, though. Pretty sure they're about drugs. And while I like the fact that they're a brother/sister duo, I think it's sort of weird when he puts his arms around her and sort of touches her buzzooms.
I forgot about this one, but I've never stopped liking "Bittersweet Symphony" or "Brimful of Asha," Pitchfork. Thanks for including those on the list.
8.30.2010
ARRRRRRGGGGH
Saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. today. So embarrassed. I wanted to see this movie 1. Because I secretly like Michael Cera (disregard my previous post where I was hatin') because he represents me just like Oprah represents powerful black women and Chelsea Handler represents pretty white girls who don't read much. 2. That's it. Went at 2 p.m. to avoid anyone else seeing me there. I even felt ashamed when the little old guy ripped my ticket and asked me what movie I was seeing so he could direct me towards the right auditorium. Saying "Scott Pilgrim" made my soul cringe. Once he told me which one it was in, I was like "OK thanks!" and quickly ran away. I was the only one there until a baby boomer couple walked in as it was starting. They walked out about 2/3 of the way through, when the tenth or so cartoonish fight scene was going down. I guess I was so embarrassed because I fall into one of the three groups of people to which this film (Scott Filmgrim!) appeals:
1. People who actually read the graphic novels on which the movie was based.
2. "Indie" high school students who listen to bands like Phoenix and are taking AP English this year.
3. Emotionally stunted twentysomethings who think there's still such a thing as a "dream girl."
The movie's really good. It's got a solid soundtrack, surprisingly witty dialogue, and quirky video game effects. The fight scenes were a bit much, but whatever.
Couldn't stop thinking about other Scotts during the movie.
Scott Baio vs. the World
Scottie Pippen vs. the World
Scott Toilet Paper vs. the World
1. People who actually read the graphic novels on which the movie was based.
2. "Indie" high school students who listen to bands like Phoenix and are taking AP English this year.
3. Emotionally stunted twentysomethings who think there's still such a thing as a "dream girl."
The movie's really good. It's got a solid soundtrack, surprisingly witty dialogue, and quirky video game effects. The fight scenes were a bit much, but whatever.
Couldn't stop thinking about other Scotts during the movie.
Scott Baio vs. the World
Scottie Pippen vs. the World
Scott Toilet Paper vs. the World
8.29.2010
Things I'll Never Admit to Liking (Until Now)
1. The Boondock Saints
This is a wonderfully entertaining movie, chock full of quotable lines and engaging action scenes. Y'know who likes it? Horribly annoying individuals, especially politically conservative, "religious" white dudes who smoke lots of weed. Some people like it so much that they type Il Duce's Prayer in the "favorite quotations" field on their Facebook page. Others like it so much that they get Il Duce's Prayer tattooed on themselves. Be careful who you talk to about this movie, folks. They just might think you're an idiot for liking it and not Rushmore.
The Big Lebowski also falls into this category, whether hardcore fans believe it or not.
2. U2
U2 is one of the most commercially successful bands of all time. Many critics (minus Rolling Stone) find them to be superfluous, and many regular people despise them for Bono's silly posturing. Although I'm ashamed to admit it, I love them, and hate when they're placed under the "arena rock" umbrella with the likes of Kings of Leon, Muse, The Killers, etc. Without U2, those bands wouldn't exist. It's hard to explain the virtues of U2 to a non-fan. No matter how hard you try, they'll always tell you that you must be someone who knows nothing about music. Oh well.
3. The Phillies
Liking baseball is a sure sign that you're an average suburban white dude. Either that or you're from somewhere in the Caribbean. I hate to admit that I like the Phillies because I fear that I will be thrown into the massive hoard of bandwagon jumpers who started to pay attention to the Phils after they won the World Series in 2008. Seriously, they're the number one team in town now. You know how I know? Remember a few years ago when you'd go to a Phils game and they'd be losing and fans sitting waaaay up top would do the E-A-G-L-E-S cheer? I was at a game a few weeks ago, the Phils were losing 7-1 in the 3rd inning, and nobody was shouting anything about the Birds. A surefire sign that the Phils are tops in Philly if you ask me. I just really miss the days when they played at the Vet and 700 level tix were $6. They'd only draw 15,000 a game so you could really spread out. I hope they start sucking again.
4. Fast Food
I love fast food, I really do. Obviously it tastes good, but even more than that it might be the least pretentious thing on the planet, and lord knows we need something like it in a world of Lady Gagas and Wes Andersons. I don't like to admit that I love it, mostly because some people can get all Morgan Spurlocky and tell you about how the cattle are raised or how you're going to get fat like the kids pictured above. All in moderation, folks. Eat that Croissan'Wich for breakfast or that Big Mac for lunch or those Chalupas for dinner. Just make sure you only do it once in a blue moon. And sorry cattle, I didn't invent our food production system. I'm aware of the problems. Seriously, I saw Food Inc.
5. Life
I hate to sound similar to one of those religious folks who's all like "every day is a blessing," but they're kind of right. Life ain't so bad. I mean, what do ya got to compare it to? As much as I want to whine about the perils of my extraordinarily difficult existence, I just can't.
The Boondock Saints, U2, The Phillies, Fast Food, and most of all Life. I'm now proud to say that I love them all.
This is a wonderfully entertaining movie, chock full of quotable lines and engaging action scenes. Y'know who likes it? Horribly annoying individuals, especially politically conservative, "religious" white dudes who smoke lots of weed. Some people like it so much that they type Il Duce's Prayer in the "favorite quotations" field on their Facebook page. Others like it so much that they get Il Duce's Prayer tattooed on themselves. Be careful who you talk to about this movie, folks. They just might think you're an idiot for liking it and not Rushmore.
The Big Lebowski also falls into this category, whether hardcore fans believe it or not.
2. U2
U2 is one of the most commercially successful bands of all time. Many critics (minus Rolling Stone) find them to be superfluous, and many regular people despise them for Bono's silly posturing. Although I'm ashamed to admit it, I love them, and hate when they're placed under the "arena rock" umbrella with the likes of Kings of Leon, Muse, The Killers, etc. Without U2, those bands wouldn't exist. It's hard to explain the virtues of U2 to a non-fan. No matter how hard you try, they'll always tell you that you must be someone who knows nothing about music. Oh well.
3. The Phillies
Liking baseball is a sure sign that you're an average suburban white dude. Either that or you're from somewhere in the Caribbean. I hate to admit that I like the Phillies because I fear that I will be thrown into the massive hoard of bandwagon jumpers who started to pay attention to the Phils after they won the World Series in 2008. Seriously, they're the number one team in town now. You know how I know? Remember a few years ago when you'd go to a Phils game and they'd be losing and fans sitting waaaay up top would do the E-A-G-L-E-S cheer? I was at a game a few weeks ago, the Phils were losing 7-1 in the 3rd inning, and nobody was shouting anything about the Birds. A surefire sign that the Phils are tops in Philly if you ask me. I just really miss the days when they played at the Vet and 700 level tix were $6. They'd only draw 15,000 a game so you could really spread out. I hope they start sucking again.
4. Fast Food
I love fast food, I really do. Obviously it tastes good, but even more than that it might be the least pretentious thing on the planet, and lord knows we need something like it in a world of Lady Gagas and Wes Andersons. I don't like to admit that I love it, mostly because some people can get all Morgan Spurlocky and tell you about how the cattle are raised or how you're going to get fat like the kids pictured above. All in moderation, folks. Eat that Croissan'Wich for breakfast or that Big Mac for lunch or those Chalupas for dinner. Just make sure you only do it once in a blue moon. And sorry cattle, I didn't invent our food production system. I'm aware of the problems. Seriously, I saw Food Inc.
5. Life
I hate to sound similar to one of those religious folks who's all like "every day is a blessing," but they're kind of right. Life ain't so bad. I mean, what do ya got to compare it to? As much as I want to whine about the perils of my extraordinarily difficult existence, I just can't.
The Boondock Saints, U2, The Phillies, Fast Food, and most of all Life. I'm now proud to say that I love them all.
Black People That All White People Know
1. Barack Obama
2. Oprah
3. Tiger Woods
4. Denzel Washington
5. Little Richard
6. James Earl Jones
7. Eminem
8. Shaq
9. James Brown
10. Harriet Tubman
11. Whitney Houston
12. MLK
13. Morgan Freeman
14. Jackie Robinson
15. Will Smith
16. Al Roker
17. Rodney King
18. Precious
19. Antoine Dodson...
2. Oprah
3. Tiger Woods
4. Denzel Washington
5. Little Richard
6. James Earl Jones
7. Eminem
8. Shaq
9. James Brown
10. Harriet Tubman
11. Whitney Houston
12. MLK
13. Morgan Freeman
14. Jackie Robinson
15. Will Smith
16. Al Roker
17. Rodney King
18. Precious
19. Antoine Dodson...
NOT FUNNY
This needs to stop. Someone almost got RAPED here. Would YOU find it funny if YOUR sister almost got raped? Didn't think so.
For white people who live in communities that are 99.9 percent white, (and there are lots of 'em) Antoine Dodson, along with Barack Obama, Oprah, Denzel Washington, Lil' Wayne, and Eminem, is now a crucial component of these whites' perception of Black America. I can't imagine how confused they must be.
Maybe I'm underestimating the ability of the inhabitants of whitebread towns to see past the black figures most often featured in the media, and realize that not all black people are these larger than life characters who talk funny.
I don't think I am, though.
For white people who live in communities that are 99.9 percent white, (and there are lots of 'em) Antoine Dodson, along with Barack Obama, Oprah, Denzel Washington, Lil' Wayne, and Eminem, is now a crucial component of these whites' perception of Black America. I can't imagine how confused they must be.
Maybe I'm underestimating the ability of the inhabitants of whitebread towns to see past the black figures most often featured in the media, and realize that not all black people are these larger than life characters who talk funny.
I don't think I am, though.
8.28.2010
People Who Watch Soccer
1. Anyone who isn't American.
2. Average American dudes who played it in high school. If you make it to high school, you'll be a fan for life. If you only played when you were in elementary school, that will not guarantee permanent fandom.
3. Americans who studied abroad for a semester (seems like 2/3 of college students since 2008 or so) and returned with either a Man U, Barcelona, or, if you're one of those people who thought that studying in Western Europe was such a unoriginal thing to do, Galatasaray scarf.
4. Americans who have become disillusioned with the prevailing broness of American pro sports and secretly like when said bros say that soccer is for "pussies." This shows that bros are dumb and they're smart because they "get" soccer. Little do these sports snobs know that soccer is the ultimate bro sport everywhere else in the world.
5. Americans who stumbled across a used copy of Fifa 20__ at FuncoLand/Gamestop/Whatever it's called and were like "Hey, this sport's rad!"
6. Patient Americans who are willing to sit around for two hours because there's a chance something like this could occur:
2. Average American dudes who played it in high school. If you make it to high school, you'll be a fan for life. If you only played when you were in elementary school, that will not guarantee permanent fandom.
3. Americans who studied abroad for a semester (seems like 2/3 of college students since 2008 or so) and returned with either a Man U, Barcelona, or, if you're one of those people who thought that studying in Western Europe was such a unoriginal thing to do, Galatasaray scarf.
4. Americans who have become disillusioned with the prevailing broness of American pro sports and secretly like when said bros say that soccer is for "pussies." This shows that bros are dumb and they're smart because they "get" soccer. Little do these sports snobs know that soccer is the ultimate bro sport everywhere else in the world.
5. Americans who stumbled across a used copy of Fifa 20__ at FuncoLand/Gamestop/Whatever it's called and were like "Hey, this sport's rad!"
6. Patient Americans who are willing to sit around for two hours because there's a chance something like this could occur:
Which one are you?
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