This Ain't No Disney Movie: A Bug's Life

I've seen several "bug perspective" animated films that won my heart. "A Bug's Life," "The Bee Movie" (obvi a winner bc of Seinfeld), and who could forget 1998's, "Antz" (gotta love Woody Allen and the replacement of an "s" with a "z" before it was trendy). Their convincing arguments and celebrity voices forced me to respect the insect population at least for a few days after viewing the mov. I'd also like to mention that one of my fav children's books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, played a pivotal role in my liking of arthropods. I've even met some nice bugs in my lifetime, especially of late.

Chronicled below are three relatively recent encounters I've had with insects:

1) Time frame: a few weeks ago
I was moving some things into my new apt by myself, probably carrying a large awkward box of sorts, when I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my left forearm. I could not really look at it (due to the load I was lifting), but figured it was just a disagreeable strand of hair or a cobweb. It wasn't until I got into my room that I dropped the box only to discover a wittle wadybug (aka ladybug) racing up my arm. Although I usually freak out about any sort of creepy crawlers (not the awesome childhood toy) in my territory, this case was an exception. I didn't mind at all! I left my new friend on the wall and she(not to be gender bias, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's a female) hung out with me, helping me decorate my new room all afternoon. I'll admit, I was a bit uneasy about being in this new and unknown space alone, so it was thoughtful of this ladybug to come and keep me company. Conclusion: Bugs make good companions

2) Time frame: a week ago
So, I've been running pretty often and usually do not end up going out for my run until later at night because I put it off all day, but also because at night it is cooler(with it being summer and all). This day though, I waited much too long. It was about 8 o'clock and the sun was quickly setting. It was almost pitch black as I approached the toughest section of my run (aka the part I normally walk at). Lightning bugs began surrounding me which was quite magical. I put out my hand and one hopped right on. This firefly was not going anywhere. He stayed with me on that street, up the steepest of hills, and onto the darkest (non-street lighted) road of my run. I put out my hand several times to let him go, but every time I looked he was still lying there in the same position. I thought he might be dead. Maybe my super fast pace was just too much for the little guy (jk jk). But alas, as I turned the corner off the dark dark road onto my own safe and adequately lighted street, he had flown off. It's like he knew I didn't need his little bead of light to brighten my path anymore. He was the light by which I travelled into this and that... mm Jens. But for real, I would like to thank that lightning bug for hitching a ride on my hand that night. Even if it was for all the wrong reasons. Like maybe he just needed to get from one side of town to the other. Thought, "Hey this girl's hand looks pretty legit." But whatever his motives, I'll never forget you firefly. Conclusion: Bugs make good lanterns.

So after these two tales, it seems like I heart bugs, right? And after these two positive experiences I did. I was getting over my mild arachnophobia and even considered buying a bug collector at Target. Until...

3) Time frame: Today
I'm at the beach. Perfect day. The sand, the water, the wind, the company, the cute boy (who I pine over just for this week down the shore), a day dream kinda day. Every thing's in it's place to create the beachiest beach trip eva. I was just sinking into my chair, listening to The Beach Boys when... itchy itch itchy itch itch, all around my ankles (which were already stinging from shaving abrasions)! What caused such irritation (the severity of which I really cannot describe in words)??

The culprit was none other than those damn HORSE FLIES!!

Seriously, they suck. There is nothing positive to say about the horse fly. It is ugly, it makes a mean sound, it bites you, and it's not even cool enough to have an original name. It's named after another animal.

In conclusion, I want to apologize to that ladybug and the firefly I met for what I'm about to say. They were lovely bugs, but that horse fly really did it for me. Stomping on any little dot that might be a bug (even it if turns out to be a piece of lint or a crumb) is my new plan. Thanks for ruining everything horse fly. I now HATE BUGS!

A Reason to Commit Suicide: Gas Pump TV

Hi, my name's Jeff. I work at a big advertising firm in Center City and I was just stopping at the Shell to fill up my tank on the way home. It's obvious that I'm on my way home because my shirt's untucked. Anyways, I was gonna order some Pad Thai and watch the Charlie Gibson news when I get home later, but now I don't need to do that because I'm watching the news right here while I'm pumping my gas. Everything I need to know in two minutes. Seriously, this guy's fast. Iraq? We're still there. Oh, Obama made a speech. Ah crap, it's gonna rain on Wednesday. And they even have time for an America's Funniest Home Video! Alright, my tank just clicked. Guess it's time to go. I suppose I'll just order some Pad Thai and download some porn now. Later!

Thank you, Gas Pump TV. You're a reason to commit suicide.

A Reason to Not Commit Suicide: Long John Silver's

When I tell people about how much I like Long John Silver's, my admiration is usually met with repulsion. "Eeeew, how can you eat seafood at a fast food place??" My response: Give it a chance. Seriously, I challenge anyone to go Long John's, order the Super Sampler platter, and tell me that it's not the best fast food they've ever had. The fried shrimp, the fish, the chicken, the glob of cole slaw, and most of all the Hush Puppies-it's the perfect meal. I will give you the nine dollars you paid for it if it isn't. I usually go here about five times a year or so, and it's almost always on a day when I've lost faith in humanity or am in the midst of an existential crisis. There's just something about downing an overflowing plate of golden-fried perfection and ringing that bell on the way out that makes everything seem OK.

Thank you, Long John Silver's. You're a reason to not commit suicide.

Cuter Than a Marshmallow Peep: Zooey Deschanel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPjfqWCscJk

I heart Zooey Deschanel.

I loved her in Elf. I loved her in Yes, Man. I loved her with M. Ward. I even loved her when she played Jimmy Fallon's unfortunate GF in this horrid song from 2002. She went to high school with Jake Gyllenhall(hawt) and Kate Hudson for god's sake. She is just so cute I want to eat her up with a side of Cool Whip or drink her down out of a floral tea cup! I feel a bit foolish, but I've already ordered a 500 Days of Summer poster for ma chambre... I am almost guaranteeing myself that I'm gonna like it though. I am highly, highly anticipating this mov's arrival in my postal area. And the soundtrack isn't looking too shabby either. Zoo-face(we have pet names for each other) said herself, “If they were bonding over some shitty band, that would actually make me close the script. But the fact that they liked music that was approved by me, because they’re bonding over the Smiths, I was, like, ‘Well, obviously!’ ” ZOMG, Zooey! You're such a smart little actress. Picking dem roles like it's no body's business. The origin's of her name are even super cool. Zooey was named for the male character in JD Salinger's "Franny and Zooey." At this point, Zooey Deschanel really tops all other Zooeys out on the pop culture scene. Like, um, Zoey 101(notice the lack of the second "o" - lame!)...but I guess that kind of died when Jamie Lynn got preggers. Or Zooey from Seasame Street. Who needs Elmo when you've got Ben Gibbard? Zooey is the ish. So, go see 500 Days of Summer!

kbye.

"And if a double decker bus
Kills the both of us"

That would probably be OK.

It Works: Whatever Works

Whatever Works is the new Woody Allen movie, and of the ten or so Woody Allen movies I've seen, it's my favorite. It stars Larry David as an angry aging intellectual and Evan Rachel Wood as a gorgeous and clueless southern belle who stumbles into his life and changes it completely. It's wonderfully funny and very charming. The script is extremely well-written, especially during the parts where David is ranting about the various faults of the human race. The movie also makes some interesting points on the "chance factor" in life and also on the power of influence. It ended very nicely as well, and I left the theater with a big, goofy grin that didn't go away for some time.

Champions of the 1998 World Cup: Rwanda

I would just like the world to know that I won the World Cup in FIFA Road To World Cup 98 for Nintendo 64 with the proud nation of Rwanda. Our run included a stunning 3-0 defeat of Argentina in the round of 16 and a 1-0 win over Cambodia in the final. If we had to play France (the strongest team in the game and actual winners of the 98 Cup) we would've beat their asses too.

A Guy Who Could Use a Hug: Mike Bones

On his MySpace page, New York-based musician Mike Bones (real name Mike Strallow) says his influences are "Beautiful women and existential despair." You get the idea. His second album, A Fool For Everyone, was released earlier this year, and lyrically it's one of the most depressing albums I've ever heard. Musically though, it's one of the best. Take the first track, "Today The World Is Worthy of My Loathing," where Bones offers a guitar solo that would impress Neil Young. "What I Have Left" may be the most beautiful song I've heard all year, as strings and piano come into the mix. Bones croons smoothly throughout the album, and his voice is a good fit for the rootsy-sounding arrangements.
There are two things that I don't like about A Fool For Everyone, however. One is the cover photo of Bones laying in bed sans a shirt. Why the Ode to Chest Hair, dude? The other thing is that after about six tracks, (at least for me it was six) his overly sad lyrics start to get annoying. Are you really this sad all the time?? Maybe he is and I should be nicer.
Anyway, this album is still worth listening to because the music is great. Maybe a lot of people will download it and he won't be so depressed anymore.

Here's a link to Mike Bones' MySpace page. There are lots of tracks from A Fool For Everyone.
http://www.myspace.com/littlemikebones

Oh, and on an unrelated note, Mike Jones blows.

First Post Evah!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

A Scene From the Wawrzyniak House

Date: Saturday, July 18, 2009
Time: 3:00 p.m.??
Place: Living Room

(John walks in)

John: I want to start a blog.

Lizzy: Me too!!

John: Let's start one together!

Lizzy:Then at least I know that one person is reading it.

John:I want to blog about music, movies, books, and other stuff that I deem cool.

Lizzy: You're gay.

John:Well what do you want to blog about?!?

Lizzy: I don't know.