UFO

I've seen a lot of things fly in my lifetime. Planes. Frisbees. Fists. Today, I am proud to say that I can add "Maxi Pad" to this list. Yes friends, a Maxi Pad. At approximately 8:45 this morning, I was watching a group of ninth graders while the juniors took the Science PSSA. I was talking with one of my favorite students when I saw a white blur hurtling towards me. It landed at my feet, and it took me a few seconds to process exactly what the object was. It couldn't be a Maxi Pad, could it? It was. I was shocked by the way it sailed through the air. It must have flown ten or fifteen feet across the room, an impressive distance for such an object, I thought. Even more absurd was the fact that several students were unable to correctly name this disturbance. "That's a tampon," some of them said. When I told them that it was a Maxi Pad, one student responded "How do you know? Do you have a Vagina?" "How did you know I have one?" was my witty retort. I spent the next five minutes or so explaining to those who were interested the differences that exist between the tampon and the Maxi Pad. It was the most important teaching I did all day.

And I never did find out who threw it.

Old School: Galaxie 500

Have you ever yearned for a certain sound? Maybe you've listened to a few bands and longed to discover a single band whose sound encompasses them all. I discovered the album Today by Galaxie 500 recently, and it's crazy how much they sound like several of my favorite bands all at once. First, there's the guitar. It's vintage Neil Young, "Powderfinger" Neil Young. The kind of guitar that soothes and makes you wonder "how can something so sloppy sound so great?" Many of their songs have a Velvet Underground softness to them, and the vocals are generally pretty dreamy-sounding. The lyrics seem to be penned by a bunch of suburban weirdos like The Modern Lovers or The Feelies. There are songs about parking lots and getting away from society to be a tugboat captain.
Whenever I listen to this album, I conjure up countless images. Some of them involve young people in plaid shirts making out. Others involve young people driving around in old cars. All of them have a sort of summery haze. It's a wonder when music can do this-when sounds can come together to create a sort of cinematic experience. I wish more bands could accomplish this feat.

Leave It Behind, Stiller: Greenberg

Greenberg is the latest movie from Noah Baumbach, the fella responsible for the poo sandwiches that were The Squid and the Whale and Margot at the Wedding. He doesn't make it a trifecta with this new one, though, because Greenberg is actually a pretty good movie. In it, Ben Stiller plays a dude in his forties who agrees to house sit for his rich brother. He attempts to reconnect with old friends, parties with college kids, whines about the past, and sticks his head between the thighs of that blonde girl in one of the most absurd scenes I've ever seen in a movie. Then he whines about the past some more. His character got on my nerves a little bit, but there were enough laughs that I didn't care THAT much. I liked how Baumbach depicted Southern California, and there were some really cool shots of Stiller in the middle of a birthday party and covering up a pool in the rain, among others. James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) did the soundtrack, and it was pretty good. Most of the songs were pretty muted, but they fit the hazy SoCal vibe. The movie had a lot to say about growing up, mostly that people need to do it and not be whiny like Ben Stiller. Baumbach used some interesting symbols like a dead animal in a pool and one of those large inflatable things with swaying arms that my mom hates to get this idea across.

All in all, Greenberg is worth your time and bills.