Obviously Not Directed By Michael Bay: Bright Star

Bright Star may be the most delicate movie I've ever seen. Just look at that picture. The guy who plays John Keats is really skinny and will be nominated for an Academy Award for perfecting the art of the pathetic cough. I'm by no means an ode to the male sex, but I really wanted to kick his ass by the time it was over. The girl character cries a lot. John Keats' roomie makes lots of witty comments. Smart people will love this movie because it's about a romantic poet and the dialogue is sort of hard to comprehend at times because that's how people talked back in the day. I thought it was OK and worth watching because the violin music was quite beautiful and pretty much every shot glowed with an intense pureness. Pretty colors, dude. The part where they're falling in love was really nice too.
I'd watch it when it comes out on DVD if I were you.

Girls: Album

San Francisco's Girls are a Beach Boys inspired rock band. When I listen to Album, I can't help but conjure up images of them playing to a small crowd on an abandoned island resort, the ground littered with cigarette butts and empty PBR cans. It's kind of a murky, dirty scene, but there's a certain beauty in it too-a statement that could effectively describe Girls, both musically and lyrically. Album is full of beautiful tunes with fuzzed out guitars, and most of the lyrics are about the battle to overcome sadness. Opener "Lust For Life" serves as a thesis statement for the whole thing. Catchy as hell and written like a stream of conciousness wish list, it's one of the best tracks I've heard all year. "Hellhole Ratrace" is a swirling seven minute epic, seemingly written for the sole purpose of pulling the listener out of a state of depression. As you get closer to the end of the record you might start to think that lead guy Christopher Owens (Who, by the way, has had a very messed up life which you should read about) is a little too precious or that his songs are a bit sophomoric. He's got that covered though with the last track, "Darling," where he tells us that he's gonna be OK because his songs are coming from the heart. You'll believe him.

A Book All Guys Should Read: The Portrait of a Lady

I've never written about a book on here, but this one has been on my mind for some time and I feel like sharing my thoughts. It's a great book, and it's no surprise to me that it became a classic. James' writing is amazing. He manages to weave these wonderfully complex sentences without being pompous or losing the attention of the reader, and the conversation portions are oozing with wit. It has quite a bit to say about relationships, and it's a great book for guys who get overly serious about girls to read. It confirms what I've known about the supposedly fairer sex for a few years now-that they're a tease and don't give a crap about us. Without giving much of the plot away, it's about this girl, Isabel Archer, who turns down all of her suitors just because she has the option to do so. And to give away the story even further, (spoiler alert!) she ends up with a complete douchebag. Sound familiar? I think just about everyone with a penis can relate to this. And if you can't, well, you're probably a douchebag. My favorite part of the whole thing was Isabel's realtionship with her cousin, Ralph Touchett. It's one of the most beautiful I've ever encountered in literature, and had me thinking of "Funny Little Frog" by Belle and Sebastian. My other favorite part of Portrait was how much it reminded me of Sex and the City minus Samantha and the various gay guys. Serously, if you took SJP and had her party like it was 1881, you'd have this book. I think that this shows just how relevant it is, and how a great story can transcend time.

A Reason to Commit Suicide: Shirtless Runners

So today is Saturday and when I have the time on Saturdays I like to take my lousy MP3 player and drive over to Valley Green and walk around and listen to my dumb songs. The combination of said dumb songs and the creek and the trees usually makes for a pleasant experience. Today was different, though. As soon as I hit the trail, I was passed by a paper-thin fella with a beard and no shirt. Then, a whole pack of them. Then, an even bigger pack. It was like The Birds or something. The onslaught subsided temporarily, but soon enough waves of these pasty wafers were all I could see. Now I've always been bothered by these dudes, (chalk it up to me getting laughed at during a 7th grade shirts and skins game for having stubby man boobs) but today they REALLY bothered me. Why do they have to run with their shirts off when it's 65 degrees outside? Is there some sort of dick measuring contest where one guy has to show the world that he's indeed the skinniest runner of them all? And do they realize how gay this looks? I'm assuming that most of these topless fiends are straight, and don't even realize how homoerotic this is. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Even if they are gay, though, they should still put a shirt on. And I'm not going to limit this to guys. Ladies, you should put your clothes on too. Even if you're a 10 you should still leave something to the imagination, girl. But guys especially should cover up. No one, and put me at the top of this list, needs to see your little nipples or little back muscles.